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The path to awakening is non-linear. One day, you’re flying high, and the next day your forked-tongue spews out nastiness suitable for a reality show. You might wonder if you’re really advancing at all.
This happens to me when I have to call customer support. For, like, anything.
Now having worked in customer support for decades, one would think that I would have compassion for the person at the other end of the line. Yet my fuse gets short at ineptitude for a quick solution to my problem, and every insecurity that exists in me forms into nasty retorts flung at the poor representative just there doing her job.
There are times in the awakening process where you must interact with a party who is required to listen to you because it’s their job.
And it’s your chance to gauge where you are on your personal scale of compassion. You don’t need to have worked in a call center to understand how difficult that job must be.
So here’s me, on the phone with a representative, and I’m livid at her telling me (in the nicest way possible) that I was wrong. She pushed that button, unknowingly from her perspective, that disinterred every doubt about my value as a human on this planet. And as my voice gets more intense, I can feel both her straining to maintain her composure, and her diminishing willingness to view my situation with any compassion at all.
These encounters are opportunities for both parties, of course. Both my lack of restraint, and her faltering restraint, is valuable information for each of us and where we are with respect to our growth. It’s a great chance to observe the use of compassion in both directions.
In the end, my argument with her was unsound, and she was glad to pass me off to her supervisor to fix the issue. By then, I had realized the lesson of this encounter, and I was able to regain my composure and get the problem solved with the next guy’s assistance.
If you encounter this ugliness in yourself, realize it’s just another part of you arising to be loved. Recognize that disagreeable part of your small self, and ask your Higher Self for some direction in releasing it.
And then, as always, get yourself to a higher vibration as soon as you can. Baby sloths! They work every time.