So you’ve awakened, and you’re “integrating,” and “processing,” and “transmuting” all of your past issues on that eternal path to completion.
Wow, that screams “spiritual snobbery” to me, and I know because I’ve been guilty of it more times than anyone I know.
It’s great that you’re doing the internal work. Awakening is about “integrating” our divided identities, healing our internal wounds, forgiving people that need it, and loving ourselves before we can love anyone else.
And you’re never doing it alone. Call them your guides, your Higher Self, your angels, or little gray men from Zeta Reticuli; all of them have a broader perspective than we humans do while we’re in our “conscious” state and they are there on the sidelines helping you “process” and transmute.”
Being the supportive entities that they are, they know that repetition really drives in a concept. Most of that is because in the older energy, we had our heads too far up our own asses to really look at the correlation between our actions and the consequences; and to recognize that we were the cause. So for now, we send ourselves tests.
Here’s an example of a test:
I order a lovely green velvet jacket online, and pay extra to get it here for the weekend. I also order some “suitable-for-wearing-during-an-Explore-Your-Dark-Side-sex-encounter” over the knee boots that won’t arrive till Monday.
When the package arrives that should have contained my lovely green velvet jacket, I rip it open like a 6-year old sugared up on my birthday, and pull out this:
WTF is that? It was worn and covered in dog-hair. Like wiry terrier hair.
So indignant me tweets my disgust, and writes bad reviews, and chides the customer service representative that my weekend is ruined because they don’t do proper quality control. And finally I breathe, and realize I wouldn’t wear the jacket anyway until the boots get here.
Imagine the energy my guides/Higher Self/Little Gray Man from Zeta Reticuli had to expend to get that jacket switched for a faded-worn T-shirt with dog hair on it, all so that I could see how I would handle my impatience as it spiraled outward into the world faster than light speed?
I had a chance to consider my actions–if they represented the “me” I want to be, or if it was the old me, the ego me, that wanted it NOW, not later, but NOW. Because the six-year old sugared up girl wanted to feel important. So I addressed that little girl again, and I “integrated” her, and I forgave her, and I vowed that next time she rears her head, I will send her love and invite her to the party, on my terms.
Expect to see these little tests to gauge how far you’ve come on that spiral. If you think you failed (as I did), you’ll get another chance really soon, I’m sure. Stay present in the moment and remember last time. And this time, choose which “you” you want to be.